Refiner's Fire

Well, it's 4 AM, and I've already been up for 2 hours. For some reason I'm having a hard time sleeping tonight. For the past 10 weeks our family has experienced some trials relating to illness. It's not a huge thing, but since Beckham has been born, we've had at LEAST one person sick every single day (right now we're batting 3 out of 4, and 2 of us have multiple things going on). It's becoming more normal than not. I had a blessing about a week ago, and was told to look for things I can learn from all of this. That's been on my mind a lot. So has the conference talk from Elder D. Todd Christofferson. To refresh, he says that we should be grateful for our trials, because those whom the Lord loves, he chastens. So what am I reluctantly learning? First, patience. Not because I am amazing, but because this is now my "normal" way of life. I guess that means it's not patience as much as it's just that I've consigned myself to this lifestyle. Second, I'm learning more about my need to be a better mother. Since Beckham was born, I've slacked on my scripture regimen. I feel like I'm always trying to "beat the clock" when the kids go to sleep, so I can either nap with them or clean. I don't take time out to read my scriptures when I'm awake... I usually try and read a chapter before I fall asleep at night, but I feel like I'm just giving the Lord my "leftovers." In the mornings, either Ava or Beckham is waking me up, so I hurry to get them going, and usually fore-go morning personal prayers because of it. I keep thinking things will calm down when we're all feeling better, but that's just not happening, so I need to adjust. I feel like part of the reason we are having these issues for so long is because my kids need a certain type of mom, and I'm not there yet. So, I've decided a few things. First, I will (hopefully) be tag-teaming initiatories at the temple this week with a sister I visit teach. Second, I'm going to start studying my scriptures for 10 minutes a day. It doesn't seem like a very lofty goal, but it's a huge step from what I've been doing. I also realize that the Lord must be sustaining me through all of this, because I haven't had a nervous breakdown yet, and I know me well enough to recognize that I should have had one by now. I AM grateful that the Lord loves me enough to chasten me, I just wish I could learn what I need to quickly so we could just move on....

In other notable news, Beckham had his baby blessing today (yesterday by now). He did great. Not one whimper or complaint came out of his little body. I worry, because of a few personal reasons, that he is in for a life of challenges and sacrifice. I hope against all hope that I'm wrong, but I know he will be strong enough to handle whatever he is given. We were honored to have many of Ben's family, as well as a close neighbor, attend his blessing. Pictures to come.